My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year....
- Published in Funny Stuff
I must send my special thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat crap
in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with
every envelope that needs sealing.
Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl(Penny
Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive
the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
participating in their special e-mail program.
Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants to split $7 million
with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died
intestate.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking
out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I
forward e-mails to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can
remove toilet stains.
I no longer can buy petrol without taking a man along to watch the car
so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat while I'm filling up.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda
, Singapore and Uzbekistan .
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown
African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when
it bites my bum.
And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the $5.00 I found
under the car as there is probably a sex molester waiting underneath my
car to grab my leg.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7
minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00pm
this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your hair,
causing every last strand to fall out.
I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my
next door neighbor’s ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's gay
beautician.
And, by the way, a South American scientist, after a lengthy study, has
discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity
always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
--
in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with
every envelope that needs sealing.
Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl(Penny
Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive
the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
participating in their special e-mail program.
Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants to split $7 million
with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died
intestate.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking
out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I
forward e-mails to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can
remove toilet stains.
I no longer can buy petrol without taking a man along to watch the car
so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat while I'm filling up.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda
, Singapore and Uzbekistan .
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown
African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when
it bites my bum.
And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the $5.00 I found
under the car as there is probably a sex molester waiting underneath my
car to grab my leg.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7
minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00pm
this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your hair,
causing every last strand to fall out.
I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my
next door neighbor’s ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's gay
beautician.
And, by the way, a South American scientist, after a lengthy study, has
discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity
always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
--
